What to do when there are so many different opinions on the way things should be? In a multi-generational church people's preferences regarding music, dress, communication style, programming, etc. can become not just a preferential difference but a a point of division. How can we avoid this?
I think there are several critical attitudes that hold a multi-generational church family together:
#1 - HONOR - Romans 13:7 says, 'Give everyone what you owe him...if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.' A mature family or church learns how critical the attitude of honor is to unity and harmony.
- It's so healthy and important for a younger person to honor the sacrifices, investment, and experience of those older than them.
- It's equally as healthy for an older person to honor the opinion, ideas, and dreams of the next generation.
Over the years, we have purposefully held Church Anniversary Celebrations to give honor to the leaders and legacy of those who have brought us to this point. Saying THANK YOU and recognizing what has been done goes a long way to creating a sense of community between the generations.
#2 - DEFERENCE - this is a word that is not used often enough. Deference means to prefer someone else in love. It is an intentional step to put my relationship with you ahead of my own rights.
Deference requires patience. Too often I have seen the younger generation dismiss the culture and style of the older generation as irrelevant and out of touch. The older generation can be just as guilty of branding 'new' styles and ideas as 'unspiritual or unrighteous' simply because it doesn't feel the same as what they are used to.
Taking the time to listen and seek to understand the preferences of another is an act of love and always helps very different people work together.
#3 - AFFIRMATION - When differences are present, there is a human tendency to focus on the things that we don't like, things that irritate us or with which we do not agree. Mature people look for common ground on which to build a relationship.
We seek to emphasize the areas where we agree and downplay our differences.
It means so much to a younger person when someone older says, "I love your passion," instead of making a negative comment about the volume or the style.
It means equally as much to an older person when a young person says, "I can see where you are coming from...that has some powerful depth," instead of turning up their nose because it isn't as cool as they think it should be.
Verbalized appreciation is like oil in the engine. It smooths out the function of relationships and makes everything work a bit easier.
What other attitudes do you see as critical to multi-generational relationships?